Today, Nintendo announced the absolutely absurd casting choices for the upcoming Illumination animated Mario movie:
- Mario: Chris Pratt
- Princess Peach: Anya Taylor Joy
- Luigi: Charlie Day
- Bowser: Jack Black
- Toad: Keegan Michael-Key
- Donkey Kong: Seth Rogan
- Fred Armisen: Cranky Kong
- Kevin Michael Richardson: Kamek
- Sebastian Maniscalco: Spike
Some of these choices are fine. Some of them, most notable Chris Pratt, are completely baffling.
So who would you cast? If you could pick any performer, who would you pick for this voice cast?
Bring back the entire cast of the 1993 movie.
Charles Martinet. Whole movie. Mario? Charles Martinet. Princess Peach? Charles Martinet. Trailer narrator? Charles Martinet. Person who sells you your ticket and popcorn at the movie? Charles Martinet.
Mario - Norman Reedus
Princess Beach - Lindsay Wagner
I am okay with the entire cast sans Pratt. Delete him. Bring in Martinet.
I feel like if you swapped out pratt for Ben Shwartz (yes I know he’s also sonic) and got that creep Armisen out in favour Danny Devito, you’d have yourself a goddamn cast.
Danny Devito and Christopher Walken.
I’m fine with some of these castings, but assuming I am replacing all of them (and not including Martinet):
- Mario: Danny Devito
- Princess Peach: Fran Drescher
- Luigi: Steve Buscemi
- Bowser: Keith David
- Toad: Gilbert Gottfried
- Donkey Kong: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (singing voice: Sterling Jarvis)
- Cranky Kong: Larry David
- Kamek: Willem Defoe
- Spike: Ron Funches (truly have no idea who or why this character anything about them)
I don’t know why but this has inspired my choice of Richard E Grant and Christopher Walken as Mario and Luigi and it’s finished me. Let them do a Tom Hardy in Venom and just make up accents on the fly and change them on a scene by scene basis.
I genuinely don’t know how to feel about Wisecracking Mario. He’s always been Wahooooo
I dunno about any of the other cast, but Mario should be voiced by Jeff Bakalar.
“Hey, it’s a me, Mary-o.”
“soooo THAT just happened” - mario
Mario - Troy Baker
Luigi - Nolan North
Peach - Jennifer Hale
Toad - Dana Snyder
Donkey Kong - H. John Benjamin
Kranky Kong - David Hayter
Well, you know what they say: shoot for the moon; even if you miss, you still land among the stars.
Mario: Sir Ian McKellan
Luigi: Sir Patrick Stewart
Peach: Dame Judi Dench
Toad: David Tennant
Bowser: Larry David
And I’ve lost interest in my meme shitpost.
Edit: I made this post as a joke, but the more I think about it, the more I’d kind of be okay with Tennant as Toad. I’m not sure how I’d feel about Toad having a Scottish accent, but Tennant brings a gusto and energy to every role he plays that I think matches what I want Toad to be.
And, I guess, is a Scottish accented Toad any weirder than Mario sounding like Chris Pratt?
Put Birdo in the movie you cowards.
Video game movies should be contractually obligated to be absolutely bizarre. So: John Malkovich voices every role, including his own cameo.
Just go full awful and have Justin Roiland voice Mario and Luigi as Rick and Morty.
They should take inspiration from another Pratt project and just make Mario like Groot. “Let’s-a go!” he says, and Luigi replies like Rocket does with a “you think collecting enough fire flowers will be what we need to defeat them?”
So, I guess???, Mario should be voiced by Vin Diesel.
Mario is too much a himbo to wisecrack. He only knows 3 things: wahoo, wah-hah, and awawawawawa
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