What magical artifact would you want?

i’d want a jacket with a bottomless pocket full of candy (preferably gummies)

Shoes that make it so I don’t make any noise, unless I want to make noise. So I don’t have to do that annoying thing where I come out of the rain and I’m squeaking all over the linoleum like a shitfuck.




one time in a DnD campaign the DM wanted to give us some magic loot so he basically let us flip through the dungeon masters manual and take our pick from the pregen items, but even though I was a halfling knight with a specialty in jousting he wouldn’t let me get a flying broom and tbh part of me still hasn’t forgiven him. anyway I stand by my choice.

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Gimme one (1) portable hole.



A rake that no matter where I stepped on the tines would always hit me square on the nose.

A cup that would magically fill itself with any liquid that you specify.

Want to sample that limited edition craft beer? Running low on gas in your car? Printer almost out of ink? Desperately need that O+ blood transfusion? Your magic cup’s got you covered.

Also, it’s one of those vacuum-insulated containers to keep the liquid at constant temperature.


this made me think of the SCP that is a coffee machine that can dispense any liquid (but it takes it from somewhere, it doesn’t produce it itself?)


A hearthstone or teleport portal. I sincerely lose so much of my time and life to commuting, plus I’d love to be able to remotely set it at some point.

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The holodeck and replicators from a Star Trek ship. Who needs life anyway? I’ll live life in my box talking to computers, thank you.

A flying broom so I can finally be the cute witch I was always meant to be

I’d want a phylactery or some other means of achieving invulnerability. Not for any particularly noble or nefarious purposes, but just so I wouldn’t have to worry about taking care of my health/body. Knowing I could never get hurt would also save me a ton of money on health insurance.

Boots or a gem that would give me super speed. I’ve always wanted super speed as a power.

A whistle that attracts sandworms. You know, the ones from Dune. No particular reason. Maybe just to f**k with Paris-Dakar.


Any magical item that would let me skip dialogue in real life. Working in museums I talk to allot of people who care way more about history than I do. I want to skip that dialogue.

I feel like that whistle would be useless here on earth tho

Okay i am retconning dune right now. They’re here, and they’re pissed about fracking. Think about it.
(Oh god Frank Herbert is gonna haunt me)


Monkey paw.